The Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Seen in My Life

A few weeks ago, I was reminiscing with my dear old friend Richard about the time he appeared in a high school production of “The Sound of Music” as Friedrich, one of the Von Trapp children.  Richard was, and still is, old-looking, ugly and hairy, and he had a deep singing voice that, despite numerous vocal lessons, could not find and hit the proper note for all the tea in China.

My father and I went to see Richard in “The Sound of Music” and there is the scene where all of the children introduce themselves, quite militantly, to their new governess, Fraulein Maria.  Richard’s turn came and he — being about 18 at the time in real life — stepped up and delivered the famous line, “I’m Friedrich. I’m fourteen. I’m impossible!”  My father and I began to laugh, but that was OK, since the scene is played for laughs.

We settled back down, but came completely unglued by the number, “Do Re Mi,” during which Maria teaches the the Von Trapp children the different notes in the musical scale — “Doe, a deer, a female deer,” and so on.  Richard’s ungodly attempts to hit his notes became funnier and funnier, until my father and I were clawing at each other in an attempt to avoid hyperventilating and being booted from the theatre entirely.

“That was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life,” I said to Richard the other day.

“Yes,” he said, suddenly very serious. “But you do remember THE funniest thing, don’t you?”

I knew instantly what he was talking about.

Richard and I were theatre geeks in high school, and the geekiest geek of them all was Andy Smith. Andy was one of those guys who worked back stage. He ran the lights, built the sets, that kind of thing. He was painfully awkward and shy. Compared to Andy, I was COOL and, my friends, believe me when I tell you that Urkel was cooler than yours truly in high school.

The one thing Andy had that most of us didn’t was a car. So, while he was a total geek, he was actually quite handy to have around. One day, Andy was driving Richard and me to a pool party that our drama teacher was hosting at his house for all of the theatre kids. I was sitting in the front seat of Andy’s car, Richard in the back.

We were not the first to arrive and as we pulled into the driveway, one of the theatre kids — Tim Lagasse, who would go on to become Oobi the talking hand on Noggin — decided to jump onto the hood of Andy’s car and hurl insults at Andy, with his face mashed up against the windshield.  He was going at it real good when Andy, without a moment’s hesitation, flicked on his wipers, sending Tim’s face first violently to the left and then whipping back to the right with equal force.  The expression on Tim’s face — which was about 8 inches in front of mine — was a brilliant mixture of pain, shock, and, above all, utter humiliation, as he realized that Andy — ANDY! — had taken him down to Chinatown.

Richard and I probably laughed for an hour that day, and I am laughing now as I type this sentence, more than 20 years later. 

It remains the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Tags: friedrich, oobi, sound of music, urkel