Polar Bears 1, Deranged Humans 0

My kids and I visited the Central Park Zoo over the weekend and one of the featured attractions there is the polar bear exhibit.  These things are HUGE and I was reminded of the recent story of the “deranged woman” in Germany who jumped into the polar bear exhibit ( do “sane women” do this, too?) and quickly learned that what’s cute and cuddly from a distance is quite terrifying when it’s close enough to sink its teeth into you.

The bears batted the fraulein around a bit, but she was eventually hauled to safety.  The whole thing was caught on tape, of course, and quickly became an on-line sensation.

I love incidents like this — when people forget for a moment that, although caged, these are still WILD animals and pay dearly for their mistake.   (Just to be clear, I do NOT love it when people ACCIDENTLY get attacked by an animal.  Only when they willingly put themselves in harm’s way.)

You may recall the story from a while back about three jackasses who decided to taunt a tiger at the Miami Zoo.  Here are some choice excerpts from CNN’s coverage of that story:

• “Police are probing whether one of the Siberian tiger’s three victims climbed over a fence Christmas Day and then dangled a leg or other body part over the moat.”  Can you imagine the moment when you realize that the tiger can actually get you?  Hey, everybody, look at me up on the fence!  Am I crazy or what?  Oh, look, here comes the tiger.  Oooh, I’m so scared.  Here kitty, kitty… oh, shit!

• “The investigation is looking into the possibility that the tiger escaped by latching on to a leg or other body part.”  Apparently, tigers are not only ferocious, but really smart.  What must the victim’s two friends have been thinking?  Man, that sucks for Carlos, but at least we’re safe out here… oh, shit!

• “Speaking to reporters Wednesday, Mollinedo was asked about an incident last year, in which Tatiana chewed flesh off a keeper’s arm during a public feeding demonstration. Mollinedo said that Tatiana ‘was acting like a normal tiger’ at the time.”  How do ABNORMAL tigers act?  Do they give you their paw or something?

• “Ron Magill of Florida’s Miami Metrozoo told CNN that the Siberian tiger is ‘the most powerful cat on the face of this planet.’”  I can testify to the size of these suckers.  We visited the Bronx Zoo last summer and they have an amazing exhibit where you can view tigers up close.  At one point, one of the tigers was pacing back and forth about 20 feet away from where we were all standing there looking at it.  Suddenly, it turned and began walking very slowly, but very purposefully, straight toward us, prompting several children (and a few adults) to scream in terror, despite the fact that the glass separating us was about three inches thick. 

• “When police arrived, they saw the tiger ’sitting next to a person on the ground,’ and the tiger turned back and began attacking the person again.  Officers yelled at the tiger to stop.”  Did they actually yell, “Stop”?  Why would a tiger respond to that?

Ah, well, if you have to go, go big.  Perhaps the next time we’re at the Central Park Zoo, I’ll climb into the penguin and puffin exhibit and see who wants a piece of me.

Tags: central park zoo, polar bear attack, tiger attack